Lucozade and Ribena sold for £1.35bn

A woman from Yorkshire has been left dumbfounded after being overcharged for some bottled drinks at her local shop. "I just went in to get my usual Lucozade and Ribena," said the unnamed Yorkshire woman, "I paid for them and left the shop and it wasn't until a short while after I realised I had been charged £1.35 billion and not the usual £1.50." Lucozade and Ribena have refused to comment as has the shop in question. "I paid the £1.35 billion and it doesn't look like I'm getting it back."

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Chinese baby 'fell into sewage pipe accidentally'

The Chinese baby that fell into a sewage pipe is now the subject of a major Hollywood film. The Chinese baby will be played, in a career defining performance, by Channing Tatum. Tatum has said; 'It's an honour to play such an iconic character. It's going to be a fun movie. Chinese baby has some real emotion to it, but it's also got action like when Chinese baby fights a sewer shark.' The film, titled Chinese Sewer Baby,
is set for release next year, and is already tipped a runaway success at the Oscars.


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Pensioners should pay more tax, argues Fabian Society

A new study shows that pensioners have been costing tax payers thousands of pounds in repair costs. Pensioners have been seen roaming around in large gangs, vandalising public property, shouting
obscenities and paying for high cost items with a skip full of pennies. To counteract this, the Fabian Society (of Outrageously Dressed Monks), has proposed pensioners to pay more tax. This has not gone down well, with one pensioner refusing to comment, instead just spitting and hurling Wether's Original at passers by.

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